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During my first year in college, I shared a floor with some of the most unsavory people I’d ever meet. One of them -- we’ll call him “Ben” since that was, in fact, his name -- stopped showering at a certain point during the spring semester and took to wearing spandex bicycle shorts wherever he went. Being shaped like a pear, Ben did not quite possess the physical qualifications to actually wear bike shorts on a daily basis, and his new wardrobe became something of a running joke on our floor. Remarkably, he somehow managed to find a girlfriend and wound up spending most nights at her place, so we rarely saw the fellow. This was fine, since seeing him also meant smelling him, which was much worse.
One night, Ben actually came home to his own room. He was hopelessly loaded and quickly passed out on the bed. Within minutes, he began to snore loudly. His roommate, being unable to wake him up, came out into the TV lounge and asked a few of us for help. Four or five of us returned to Ben’s room and tried for about ten minutes to rouse him. We shook him, yelled at him, poked him with an umbrella, turned on bad music, and dripped water on his face. Nothing worked. Meantime, the stench from his feet and the offensive sight of the biker shorts drove his roommate to violence. Grabbing a pair of gloves, he took one of Ben’s bare, moldy feet and twisted it. Several of us thought we heard something snap, but no one was sure -- least of all Ben, who remained unmoved. In the end, we banded together and shoved the drunk on his side to stop the snoring.
The next morning, Ben woke up and took a single step out of bed before crashing to the floor in a heap. His ankle was so badly sprained that he remained on crutches for well over a week. Asked about the injury later on, Ben’s only guess was that “I really must have been drunk last night, because I have no idea what happened.”
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